if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
