oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
