I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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