So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
