I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
