all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
