Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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