WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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