Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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