Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
