My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
