she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
