I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
