any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
