worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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