My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
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