FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
