I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
only you would photoshop your dick
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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