when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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