i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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