break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
