i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
