Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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