just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
