i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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