can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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