I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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