I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
