i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
