I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
