Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
