We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
