Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
