coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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