why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
