i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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