i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
