just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
