Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
