I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
