I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
