you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize