So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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