I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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