It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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