When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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