you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
