I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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