I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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