i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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