last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
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