I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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