I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
