brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
