meet me or not, i'm out of control
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
The uberlube is also flammable
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
