I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
