I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
