I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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