If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
