I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
