I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
