I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
