Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
